In honor of Valentine's Day.

It's easy to hear that we need to love God with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength and to love our neighbor, But why do we so often miss the in between step?In fact, "Love your neighbor as yourself" (Luke 10:27, emphasis added) implies a very important concept: we must first have a healthy, appropriate love of self. To fail to do so results in negative relationships, burnout and resentment towards others.
Because God chose to love us first, we can truly love and accept who we are and who we have been created to be. The Bible gives us an awesome definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. This is the love passage that we hear in weddings or in sermons teaching on loving others. What if we were to consider loving ourselves by this definition? Referring to 1 Corinthians 13, author Mike Mason asked, "Do you love yourself? Are you patient and gentle and kind with yourself? Do you easily let go of you mistakes and wrongs, or do you keep a strict record and punish yourself severely? Do you trust yourself enough to persevere always? Or are you continually doubting, berating, condemning yourself?"
As you read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, reflect on how well you apply each principle to loving yourself.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
Are you content with yourself, considerate to your needs and humble enough to admit that you are what you are, which God calls good?
I found this all very convicting. I struggle with this daily. It helped me. I hope it helps some of you! Love you all very much and... Happy Valentine's Day!

Wow

Well that was a sad little post wasn't it. That was not depression talking it was PMS. Which I feel like I have 24/7 lately because of this whol IUD thing... but anyways.... exciting news! I haven't really been follwing my new lifestyle change thingy like I should but I have to admit, cutting out soda and keeping sweets out of the house has totally changed my way of thinking about food. Matthew bought Lillian some ice cream last night (she's sick and cranky) and when I asked him to scoop me a small bowl he said no. Now at first I was a little pissed but then I remembered I told him not to let me slip back into my old ways so instead of pouting I ate a banana and we played cards. So this morning I checked the scale. I wanted to know how much I had backtracked ove ther holidays and now that I am not excercising at all and I've had fast food 3 times this week... but surprise!!! I've lost another 2 pounds. How this happened I have no idea but it did. SO knowing this has motivated me once again. If I can be loosing weight consistantly without doing too much to change my lifestyle... what would happen if I actually started to work at it? We will see... oh yes we will.

It worked for 2 weeks

Well I've been working on my weight issues and I did really great for 2 whole weeks (longer than I've ever gone before). I realized my problems which I suppose is the first step to correcting and changing those problems. I replaced smoking with food. And now that I've changed what, how and when I eat I've sunken into a semi-depression. I used to smoke when I felt down on myself or stressed. When I quit smoking I would just eat when I was bored, stressed or feeling upset about something. Well I've been counting calories and paying attention to what and when I eat and now I have no outlet for my stress and boredom. So while I was doing great on my diet I was becoming less and less like myself. I was bursting into tears every ten minutes and yelling at Matt in between sobs. I was going to bed 2 hours early just because I had nothing better to do. So I'm stuck in this silly little cycle and I can't figure out how to stop it. Some of my friends are telling me to go back on the medication I was on before I got pregnant but I was really hoping to live the rest of my life without medication. Maybe that's just not a possibility for me. Oh well.

ugh

So this has just been a shitty day. I don't like to cuse and I really don't like to do it online but in this case I'm going to! I had a doctor's appt today that didn't go at all as I expected and now I'm all fraked out and anxious and not sure at all how to handle the pressure. Its just frustrating. Right about the time I figure out how to deal with the things going on in my life something else hits and screws everything up. SHIT!

Hugs

Well this is just silly. So I'm at Cafe Brazil last night and I'm being pretty quiet (which apparently is not normal for me since I think everyone at the table asked if I was OK at some point during dinner) and I can't really tell you if I was being quiet because I have been sick for a week and its taking its toll or if I just had nothing clever to say. But Laura asked if I was doing OK and of course I said I was fine and I had just had a long week (I mean this is Luara I'm not going to complain about my petty problems when she is dealing with way more) and next thing I know she's giving me a hug and I pretty much lost it. Had to excuse myself and go cry it out in the bathroom. Luckily I was wearing no makeup so I don't think anyone noticed that I had spent the past 3 minutes choking back sobs. I think I broke down for several reasons. One is that I have seriously been living in denial when it comes to what's going on with Pappaw and last night at mom's I got a letter from Mammaw saying she knew I was having a hard time with everything and she just wanted me to know that she is doing OK and Pappaw is coping well to the changes. I was just proof that I can fool myself all I want but I can't fool those around me into thinking I'm OK with the whole situation. I think I am just also super tired after getting up several times with Lilli the night before and the cold medicine I've been taking made me a bit woosy. I think one of the main reason I was crying though was that I've been so selfish when it comes to the crisis the Bords are facing. I've thought about how it effects me and Matt and our relationship and how I don't want to act weird or awkward around their family and how I wish everything would just go back to normal. The things I should be doing? Praying. Praying for Eric and how his life will never be the same. Praying for Laura because she now has to be both mom and dad to her two kids while working full time and holding the family together. Praying for Sydney who is so afraid that now that Daddy is gone, Mommy might leave too. Praying for Owen who can't put his feelings into words and doesn't even recognize why he feels like something is missing and doesn't understand how or why things are changing. Then of course praying for Terry, Debbie, Em, Patrick, Phillip and Amanda and their kids who need just as much support and love as Eric and Laura. After spending an evening with Eric and seeing him acting somewhat normal and seeing Laura as strong and devoted as ever, its just so easy to pretend like everything is fine and once Eric goes to court, the charges will be dropped and everything will be just as it was 3 months ago. But deep inside I know that's not going to happen. I know that things are going to get much worse before they start getting better and that just scares me to death. How can I have any hope at all for my little family when this one, so put together and so strong, can end up in shreds? Its a scary thought. Living and sharing your life with someone for almost 10 years only to have it all fall apart in minutes. What's going on in my family that I don't know about? What secrets are hiding right now just waiting for someone to discover them? This is one of those times where people say to put your hope and trust in God and his love for us but its the last thing we want to do.

New week. Same problems.

Well it seems like the harder I try to get away from 'High school' drama the more I get in to. Matt and I are arguing like crazy lately. I really can't figure it out. It seems like if we aren't kissing or flat out ignoring each other we are arguing about something. He's so sweet and I know its mostly me and my crazy mood swings right now but I just get so annoyed so easily. I find myself wanting to be anywhere but at home. I love my children so much but lately I'd rather they be sleeping. I hate it when I get into these stupid funks. I can't really figure out how to get out of them and I just have to wait until they 'run their course.' Last time it lasted about 2 weeks and I've been in this one for about a week so in about another week I should be home free right? I hate these stupid pity parties. Lately I don't even want to be around my friends. I feel like I have to be my normal cheerful witty self and I'm just not in the mood. It's so hard because I've always prided myself on not hiding my emotions and being very open with my feelings and now I envy all thsoe who can fake their happiness so well. Last night at church I can'teven count how many "are you okay?" 's I got. Ugh Its so annoying. OK I'm done.

if it's not one thing...

it's another... so starting last week (Sunday, September 10) I had some pain in my chest. I chalked it up to muscle strain and went on about my business... so by Thursday I had a total of around 10 hours of sleep (that's 4 days of 2-3 hours of sleep when I'm used to atleast 8 per night) and the pain was only getting worse. I took myself to Care Now and had some X-rays done and was examined by a Doctor only to find out.... I've got strained muscles! I mean they were severly inflammed and I had some fluid but really there wasn't much he could do other than perscribe some anti-inflamitories and some pain killers to help me sleep. So here we are, almost a week later and I'm still in a good deal of pain. but now the pain is more of an ache throughout my chest instead of a stabbing pain under my right breast. I have no idea what's going on but I don't like it. It doesn't help that I carry around 20 lb babies all day and occasionally pick up Lilli who's over 35 lbs. On top of all that and because of all that I haven't had sex in a good two weeks now and I'm ready to scream. So now that I've been given pain killers to numb me up for better sleep.... I have a cold, or allergies or something. Now instead of pain in my chest keeping me up, I'm sneezing and blowing my nose until the wee hours of the morning and keeping my hubby up as well (which he's not too happy about). Other than that its been a pretty busy week. On Monday Matt had Softball and I went to Garden Ridge with Mom and bought stuff to decorate the house (btw Cha I stole the cross Mom let you borrow). Tuesday was Laura's birthday so we did Cafe Brazl last night instead of tomorrow. Tonight we had dinner with the worship team. Tomorrow night we'll finally be able to grill the meat I took out of the freezer last Sunday and my husband and I will be able to spend a tiny bit of quality time together. Friday night I'll most likely be cooking for the brunch I'm going to Saturday morning followed by spending some quality time with the in-laws (we haven't seen them in a good 6 weeks). Then its back to Sunday. People always talk about life slowing down... it'll be more calm once I'm out of college; I'll have more time to spend with (insert signifigant other's name here) once we're married [the problem with spending 'quality time together' is you do that too often and children are the result.]... then you think life slows down once the kids are grown but then there's work and grandchildren to spoil or weddings to plan and bills to catch up on. life tends to be something you do to get to retirment. but then again isn't that what its supposed to be? Life is that thing you do before Heaven. Its just a great big holding pen. OK I'm babbling and not making any sense so I'm off to shower and then into bed I go. Goodnight!